Solitaire

Counting flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.........


.........Actually..........I don't!

I'm sure everyone has heard that song once in their life. It seems to be my theme song here recently.
"Ok....I'll do this for an hour,then move onto something else for 2 hours then it will be.....2:30pm.....grrrr"
What in the world,why is time passing so slowly? Is it just me people? Guessing not by the head shaking that followed.
I have 23 days till My Joey gets home. I am on a downward slope and time is just not on my side here recently. I get involved in something and I just can't stay focused. Evey little thing reminds me of him. Not to mention the box I just unpacked of our paperwork neither of us every goes through just because it is so time consuming.
It took me 13 minutes.

We are so unsettled right now. For the past 3 years we have been living somewhat out of boxes. It's a hard concept to grasp when those who know us knew we had an apartment together. But even then,we knew our time was short there and didn't fully unpack everything. I had a fit earlier when the under the bed bag I put Joey's clothes in wouldn't fit under the bed. I did not want it in the rooms downstairs. I want it here with me. I even need his cologne next to my bed. Just so when I walk by I get a whiff of it every now and then.
It has only been a few weeks and I am this bad. We have a loooonnnnngggggg road ahead of us and this is how I am being for boot camp. [insert Homer Simpson head slap and 'DOH!' here]

I was able to speak to him for a while this past Sunday. I cried for the first 3 minutes. Uncontrollably. He finally got me under control and then......I lost it again.He is doing ok so far. Blew out his knee,and being in physical therapy has made him a little stronger. He will be able to do "Hell Week". Which is exactly what it sounds like.
Each division goes through firefighting,flooding,team building and much much more for a few days together. Joeys favorite part is going to be the guns. I don't know what they are shooting,I just know they will have bullets and they are really loud. We talked about the move, Florida and.......marriage. We have decided to get married as soon as we can. Next month we will be married to each other. It is something a girl dreams of. I, am terrified. Not to be married to him, but the experience as a whole. I know we will make it.(just look what we have been through already) The dress,the invitations,the guest list,the flowers,the ......cake. Lord I am so picky. We will be going to the courthouse first and then a larger wedding down the road when he is more settled as to where he will be.And me to of course. I told him some things I have been doing. And I heard of what he has been up to as well. He sounded different.His voice was,older. He was tired and worn out beyond belief. More than I could imagine. More than I wanted too.He has a few friends there but a 90% of the time they can't talk.He is living a life of solitude while I am playing Solitaire.
In 23 days people can accomplish many things. I am just trying to make it out alive. The Chicago trip is coming on fast and I have mixed emotions of excitement and nervousness. Time will tell.

A storm is rolling in right now.There is an eerie silence outside. The calm before the storm if you will. Peaceful yet nerve racking. Not sure as to which I am more afraid of.


Oasis never said it more perfectly
"Now that your mine
I'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one that shines with you
In the morning when you don't know what to do
We're two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done"